Saturday, June 25, 2011

Where Am I?

Here is not exactly where I expected to be. I was fairly certain I would end up over there....you know? The place with green grass, single digit sizes and moments of peace - not a 41 year old, overweight, almost divorced, unemployed mom. Now that may by your dream but it was not mine. Other than the mom part (which is absolutely the highlight of my life), the rest does not come highly recommended. Unless, of course, you enjoy some rather fierce moments of pain and self-doubt. BUT, this is where I am. My choices....with a few influences from others....have led me to this point. So, now what? This overwhelming question, that most people believe they will somehow answer in their 20s (ridiculous), haunts my mind.

Yes, I am going to school in the fall to receive a second bachelors and hopefully be able to attend grad school and become a speech pathologist. This is a plan, but does nothing for me at the moment. Yes, I have been studying, working, attending classes, workshops and private sessions in Voice Over work....but again, only a plan....not a destination. (Insert self-promotion here: Hire me...I sound fabulous.) I simply don't know how everything is going to fall into place. I know, I know...no one does....but I like when there are a few more pieces in place.

One such piece, for instance, is what will I do to earn a living? Due to a rather restrictive non-compete agreement with my former franchiser, I cannot pursue a job in any field in which I might be remotely qualified. Plus, attending school full-time and being a mother make it difficult to find a job that seems like it will work with my schedule. Some of you may say - "Take whatever you can get!" This would be easier to do if I had not spent the last 9 1/2 years performing a job I had never wanted.

So, I find myself here...the waiting room for over there. It's full of maybes and hopefullys and ifs and whens. I realize that this is a great opportunity. A new beginning. A chance to pursue the dreams I have always had to set aside. But those dreams feel awfully distant. It seems as though there is a grand canyon beyond the waiting room door and my dreams are just a dot on the horizon. Was that a melodramatic enough return to the blogging world? Have you missed all of my mixed metaphors and allegories?

2 comments:

michelle said...

I like the way you describe this point in your life: the waiting room for over there. I wish you weren't in a holding pattern, though. I can't wait until everything is resolved and you are on your way!

I think you have held up remarkably well through all this. You're a wonder.

Jill said...

I'm really not sure who got the life they thought they were going to have, but I know I sure didn't! I think you are a strong, amazing woman who is on a new path full of hope and possibilities, it's rather exciting! Though it would be nice to have things fit together more easily, we know that rarely happens. But I know good things are in store for you!