Monday, February 1, 2010

Story #27 Colliding with Cars, part 2

A quick work story:


A conversation between a few 4 & 5 year old boys:


Boy 1: What do you want to be when you grow up?


Boy 2: I'm gonna be Santa Clause!


Boy 1: You can't be Santa Clause! That's not a real job!


Boy 2: Yes it is!!! I give away toys. That's my job.


Boy 3: That's not a real job, 'cause you don't make any money, you just give it all away!


Boy 2: GRRRRRR!

Anyway....

I tend to be slightly delusional in many areas of my life. I frequently get shocked when I look in the mirror..."Who is that fat woman?" since when I peer down at myself it doesn't seem that bad. (Rosie O'Donnell called it the opposite of anorexia - thinking you are thinner than you really are.) Although the dieting is progressing...


When it comes to cars I didn't realize how delusional I was until my birthday party. I always think of myself as a good driver, after all I didn't get my first ticket until last year, and I really haven't been in any accidents......have I?


It turns out I have - but fortunately I was usually the only driver. So I am a great driver out on the street where there are other cars and drivers - but put me in a parking lot full of driver-less cars and watch out!!


Case #1: The summer after my freshman year in college, my church was putting on a big musical which both of my parents and myself were participating in. It just so happens that shortly after the rehearsals began I broke my right ankle. I was lucky enough - after a few days of crutches - to be put in a walking cast. (You should have seen me dancing!) The walking cast was cumbersome and heavy, but far better then spending the whole summer on crutches!


After rehearsal, one Saturday, I climbed in my mighty Pinto to drive home. As I slowly backed out of the parking space, my heavy right foot slipped off of the brake onto the gas pedal and WHAM! I hit something hard. I pulled on the emergency brake and stepped out of the car. I had managed to back into my parent's Camaro - which then rolled back and hit the family van. Did I mention that the 3 of us drove separately? In one fail swoop I managed to ding up all three of the family cars! Fortunately, the damage wasn't bad, but my normally mild mannered StepDad was less than thrilled.

Case #2- Shortly after Bob and I got married I drove his car to work. We always referred to it as "the mighty Jimmy," and it was a nice companion to the pinto - "Fred the Ford.") Well, I was driving the mighty Jimmy and went to workout after I finished work for the day. Still to this day I am not quite sure what happened.....I decided to take a short cut through a bank drive-thru and somehow lost control of the car - slamming into one of the concrete pylons. Don't worry - the concrete was okay - the Jimmy not so much. I was so scared to tell Bob! I found a pay phone (remember those?) and called him at work. I was sobbing on the phone. He waited patiently to find out what was going on - as I calmed myself down enough to tell him I was suddenly struck by how funny it was that I tried to drive through a drive-thru...get it? I know - but maybe I was in shock. So, as I told him I started to laugh hysterically (it's neat to be crazy) until I was almost in tears again. Just like my Dad in case #1 he was less than thrilled.

There happens to be one other story, but it's not very interesting. Suffice it to say - the mini-van ended up with the passenger side all scraped up. Sharp concrete corner in a parking garage drive way....I choose to blame the concrete.

If you are ever in a car with me you have absolutely nothing to fear! I save all my fender benders for my alone time. Need a ride?

4 comments:

Jill said...

I can't believe you managed to hit all 3 of your family cars in one accident! What are the odds of that happening? Perhaps driving with a walking cast wasn't such a good idea, and surely your parents should have thought of that right?

As for driving through the drive thru, that's just crazy!

ohiolanges said...

Great memories. Are you sure you want to reveal these while your children are so young? At least they will know who to come to when they ding up dads car!

michelle said...

I too have had several parking lot incidents. My dad was not happy with me when I was a teenager. And surely you've seen the scraped up side of my van? Yeah, that was me getting into a battle of wits with the side of a building. Don't ask.

It is remarkable that you got all 3 family cars in one fell swoop!

michelle said...

p.s. I feel sure that both of those boys will have the opportunity to be Santa Claus!