Friday, November 13, 2009

Story #2 A bad date or Never assume the odds are in your favor

I came up with this 40 story idea, but it is tricky to decide what to write about - so don't assume they will all be profound. They may be small, funny, strange or meaningful - who knows what kind of picture they will paint! So on to story #2...

I had a lot of guy friends in high school but didn't date a lot. Some of my dates were truly just friend dates and nothing more. When I got to BYU, however, the dating scene changed - which was very refreshing. Quantity does not equal quality, however, which led to some interesting scenarios.

One date that stands out was with a guy whose name...I think...was Steve. The fact that I can't remember his name is actually part of the problem. In our student ward there was one apartment that had 4 young men, cousins and brothers, living in it. 3 of them were exceedingly cute and he was different. So, when the phone rang one afternoon and one of them called to ask me out, I had no idea which one it was that was calling. I figured that the odds were in my favor, I mean 3 out of 4 chance it was a fun one, so I said yes. When he came to pick me up I was a little disappointed to discover that it was the humorless brother who I was going out with.

He was a chemistry major, not that there's anything wrong with that, who enjoyed talking chemistry all the time. This would have been okay - but I was an English major. The collegiate version of oil and water. As I got in the rusty old car, what a lovely surprise to see two more chemistry majors sitting in the back of the car. Yippee a double date where the periodic table is great fodder for conversation....I knew I was in trouble. But I soon discovered that we weren't just heading out to we were driving (45 minutes each way) to Salt Lake to walk around Temple Square and see the Christmas lights. If any young men are reading this post - do not take a first date to anything that requires more than 15 minutes travel...'cause if it isn't going well, it makes for a very long night!

One of the first things I noticed about the couple in the back was that the girl, bedecked with coke bottle lenses, had both of her sweater's shoulder pads sticking out around her neck. Do you remember in the late 80s and early 90s how everything you bought had either sewn in or velcroed shoulder pads? Well, I don't know what was going on with hers...but it wasn't pretty. At first I thought maybe she had brought ear muffs that she had placed around her neck, or that she was injured in some kind of freak chemistry accident. It was quite the puzzle - and I was thrilled when I figured out what they were. Every time I looked at her it was as if some white mittened creature was trying to emerge from her sweater. I know this is mean, but it did provide me with the ONLY entertainment for the evening, so I thought it was worth mentioning.

As we started down the freeway I noticed a cafeteria lunch tray on the floor in front of me. I bent to move it out of my way, only to have Steve shout, "Don't move that!!" It turns out the tray was covering a rusted out hole in the bottom of the car. That's right, I could have pulled a Fred Flintstone, because this hole was big enough to put both my feet through. Did I mention it was winter....and that his heater didn't work?

I foolishly kept trying to be a part of the conversation, but every time I would make a little joke, all three of them would stare at me as though I had shoulder pads sticking out of my shirt...I would have to explain every little, tiny joke I made - which as you know, pretty much ruins the joke. By the time we got to Temple Square I was dying to go home.

Although the lights on Temple Square are spectacular - there is a coldness factor that can determine how much you are able to enjoy them. It was about 10 degrees that night. Need I say more? I was already cold from the drive to Salt Lake - and was apparently with a human being who was impervious to cold. At several points I said, "Aren't you cold?" To which he replied, "Oh no, I could stay out here for hours." He then went on to explain to me how you could attempt to figure out the energy required to light each tree. He went on and on about estimating the number of bulbs, wattage and all kinds of other factors that were no where near interesting. Did I mention the temperature? He then pontificated on the invention of electricity, which in turn led to a fascinating conversation about how certain metals, chemicals and various liquids conduct electrical currents. Oh, the laughs we were having. Did I mention that I was an English major? There were points where I wanted to grab him and shout, "Just get it over with, kill me now! I can't take the torture! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!!!!"

We froze out there for 90 minutes!!!! At one point I felt like just walking away and trying to find a bus. At least I would be warm. The other couple had disappeared into the visitor center to - so I didn't even have the shoulder pads to look at. I stopped talking, because quite frankly, my mouth was frozen shut. He kept telling me what a great listener I was and how so many other people seem to find his stories boring. Hmmm, weird.

We finally went to a coffee shop to get some hot chocolate. He was thoughtful enough to ask if I wanted separate checks. I actually told him no, that I was okay with him paying for my hot chocolate. I mean I deserved some kind of compensation for the glorious evening. Who asks the girl if she wants separate checks?!!!!

I won't keep the suspense going - you are all wondering how the date ended, right? We drove home in his little rusty igloo, and as we turned on to my street I almost shouted in joy "HOORAY! I made it!" I walked quickly up to my door hoping to slip in without any further conversation, but he was quick for a chemist. "I had a great time with you tonight." He said. WHAT? What date was he on? "I would love to give you a kiss good night." "Oh," I replied, "I don't kiss on the first date." (Or any other with you, you frozen cretin.) I then slipped in as fast as I could and took a hot steamy 30 minute shower.

Don't you just love dating? Aren't you glad your done?


Jill said...

That sounds like a date from Hell for sure and so BYU! What was he thinking? Apparently his mind was consumed with thoughts of wattage because he was so clueless to your discomfort. What a nightmare.

I dated a lot in high school and then got to be BYU and was suddenly undesirable. It did a real number on the ole self-esteem.

michelle said...

Ew!! That is a date from hell! Did he ever call you again?

Yes, I am SO glad I don't have to date anymore. In fact, when we got married, Marc and I agreed that was the best part.

I didn't date that much at BYU. It totally went contrary to what everyone had told me before I went there.

Tricia said...

i often have that sense of gladness about being done dating, especially at work! glad i'm not the only one there!

Tara and Dan said...

Don't you know why he was talking about his major all night? Because he could sense the "chemistry" between you two. *wink wink* hardyharharhar