Thursday, August 6, 2009

Job Applicant

I am currently trying to hire a part-time morning person for the gym. It never ceases to amaze me what people send (via email) to apply for a job - I guess a lot of people aren't worried about first impressions. In the ad I specifically stated that it was for a morning position (8:30am - 12:30 pm) and that I wanted them to email me a cover letter, as well as their resume. A few favorite quotes thus far:

"I am available everyday after 2:00pm."

"I seen your job and want employee with you." (employee with you...yikes! It sounds indecent!)

"You'll find that children stick to me like glue because I am young and vibrant." (I almost want to see how vibrant she is...)

On resume: "OBJECTIVE: Seeking an innovative position with a challenge." (What?! You only want one challenge?)

"i have lots of experience. parents really trust me with there children." (Okay - the no cap thing is annoying and "there children" not "here children"?)

So, a few bits of unsolicited advice, all of which have been inspired by actual applications:

1. Portraits of yourself are unnecessary and easy to make fun of when attached to a resume. Particularly senior pictures (lying in the lawn, on stomach, head resting in hands), bodybuilding pictures of you in a speedo, a series of thumbnail shots of your "guns" (arms).

2. Please, please, please have several people read both your resume and your cover letter - at the very least consider spell check.

3. When interviewing for a job working with young children, keep in mind that push ups is not an effective form of discipline.

4. Don't tell the interviewer that you're really hoping to get a different - job but came to this interview... just in case.

5. Don't tell the interviewer that you think all the girls that work for her are "hot."

6. Don't list your elementary and junior high schools. I assume if you graduated from high school you probably attended those as well.

7. If your GPA is 2.5 don't list it on your resume.

8. If you only type 30 words per minute don't go bragging it up.

9. Don't list someone who fired you as a reference. Listing the job is one thing...but having it as a referral for potential employers to call?

10. And the following is just creepy (from a few years ago):

Me: Tell me about your experience teaching grade school dance at BYU?

Man: (Rapidly rubbing thighs while answering) I loved it. I could tell the little girls really liked me. I mean kids that age are just so expressive. (awkward giggle)

Me: (completely creeped out) Did you have much opportunity to build a relationship with the parents?

Man: (Still rubbing thighs, but no leaning towards me on the edge of his chair) It was weird. The parents would never leave...they aren't supposed to stay in the class, but they insisted.)

By the time he left, I felt like I should call the police...I just wasn't sure why. So, don't be creepy! Anyone want to apply?


Jill said...

Oh the horrors of these experiences! Do you find that kids today have any clue about how to get a job or keep one? It's frightening to me.

I'm totally creeped out by the thigh rubbing guy.

Tricia said...

i just completely lost it laughing, thinking about those pictures of that guy! seriously, what on earth would make you think that was a good idea?

michelle said...

Oh my word! I was totally cracking up while reading your list of suggestions -- I can't believe some of the things you have encountered! And then I stopped laughing when I got to the last one. Ew.

Jenny said...

You have me rolling on the floor. Job applications are the best!

Amy said...

Michelle, I remember the muscle guy picture. Well, how could I forget? I still have it hanging on my wall. Also, can I have my senior pic back?

Tara and Dan said...

Don't forget this guy: "I am a child of the universe..."

Good times...

PS- you should have hired the muscles guy just to see what he would wear to work...