"I know Heavenly Father loves me by the people He puts into my life."
I found this simple statement beautiful and thought provoking, but it also made me realize something: When I am really struggling I suddenly come upon magazine articles, emails, books that seem to speak to my soul. I guess Heavenly Father knows the best way to reach each of us. In an earlier post I told about discovering the book The Self Esteem Trap, this moment led to deciding I had a right to happiness, and explained some of the reasons I was struggling. So after my global admission of being assaulted and wondering "Now what?" a few words of wisdom fell into my lap.
The first came from an "O" magazine. I never read this particular magazine - in fact I have been letting all my magazine subscriptions end because I never have time to read them, but on my lunch break yesterday I felt very drawn to purchasing this magazine. Inside is an article entitled "When Your Biggest Problem Is...You" (which you can tell is a great article since it quotes the Princess Bride) which discusses an issue called "counter phobic mechanism, a tendency to slide toward, not away from, something you fear. Those of us who use plain English might call it self-sabotage - and it can ruin your life." In a very "anti-law of attraction" suggestion - it says that if we don't allow ourselves the opportunity to go straight to the heart of our fears and figure out how we would, in reality handle them we would unconsciously end up sabotaging ourselves.
I had a conversation with Kristen one time about anxiety. The poor girl is obsessed with them, as am I (wonder where she got that from?), when I went to respond to one of her fears, she said "I know you are going to tell me not to worry because that will never happen." I replied, "No, that is not what I was going to say. Bad things happen to everyone, but I know that you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way." I realized I have never given myself that same kind of encouragement.
Things I used to, and still stress about, have happened. I am overweight, marriage has definitely had some bumps in the road, I am a working Mom whose business is barely squeaking by, but I am still here. Worrying that it would happen didn't stop it from happening. In spite of what happened to me years ago, I have survived, now I just want to be able to be free of some of that anxiety and self-loathing.