Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Pictureless but posted!

Since I have been having a hard time posting regularly, I decided that even if I don't have my pictures downloaded I should still post! First things first - congrats to Nicole who made dance company at the dance studio she attends! And she received scads of awards at the school awards night. I'm not sure she's my kid since two of the awards were for math and science. Okay, science I really enjoyed...but math..come on!

Why I haven't been posting: mind-numbing depression. I think I have reached the point in therapy were you realize that ignorance is truly bliss. Or at least having hope is bliss. Once you realize that certain things will never change and understand why (things of course being other people) it is very discouraging. Never in my life have I been so depressed that I stopped reading, but that is where I have been the past couple of weeks. I haven't even rescheduled an appointment with my therapist - although I will. I am now starting to reach the end of this grieving period (I hope...oops that's what got me here to begin with) and believe that some healing will begin or there is at least a slight glimmer that something positive will become of this experience. The hard part is my normal coping mechanism of food no longer does the trick (damn therapy) but I have yet to replace that with something else - which has left me feeling very vulnerable. I am very glad that it is almost the end of the school year. The end of our normally chaotic schedule is on the horizon and that is a relief!

Working out has been inconsistent the past little while - but I am back at it. I need to keep that a priority. Jill asked what I have been doing - I have been alternating walking (at a fast clip) on the treadmill with either The Firm DVDs or a cardio weight combo that Denise Druce gave me. With the one Denise provided me you alternate 3 minutes of cardio with 3 minutes of weights. If you want it I will email it to you - just give me your email. The most effective thing, surprisingly, has been writing down what I eat. If weight loss is a goal of yours than this is a hugely helpful - and eye opening experience. I write it all down...even those little nibbles here and there. I do have one pic that cracked me up - thanks Cathy!
The correct way to weigh yourself...I can't believe I have been doing it wrong all these years!


Jill said...

Oh dear, having mind-numbing depression as your reason for not posting is sad to read. I think it's so great that you're going to therapy (oh to have insurance!) and working things out, even though it means looking that pain and frustration head-on. Even if things look grim now, at least you're on the road to recovery and change right?

It's also amazingly wonderful that you've made positive strides in the exercise and eating departments. That is major progress and really something worthwhile! I should start writing down everything I eat because I know it would be an eye opener for me.

Hang tough Michelle!

michelle said...

Mind-numbing depression, oh my my. I hate that! And so sad to think that you didn't even feel like reading.

I'm sure it's hard to confront all of the feelings that must be surfacing, especially when you don't have your old friend emotional eating to rely on. But how wonderful that you aren't self-medicating with food! Now you just need to find something great to replace it with...

Even though I know you're struggling, I am so proud of you for confronting your difficulties and working through them. It will be worth it!

Tara and Dan said...

Yay for Nicole!! So sorry about the depression. Life can be so hard. My prayers are with you!

Classic picture, by the way :) Made me laugh out loud