Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Pictureless but posted!

Since I have been having a hard time posting regularly, I decided that even if I don't have my pictures downloaded I should still post! First things first - congrats to Nicole who made dance company at the dance studio she attends! And she received scads of awards at the school awards night. I'm not sure she's my kid since two of the awards were for math and science. Okay, science I really enjoyed...but math..come on!

Why I haven't been posting: mind-numbing depression. I think I have reached the point in therapy were you realize that ignorance is truly bliss. Or at least having hope is bliss. Once you realize that certain things will never change and understand why (things of course being other people) it is very discouraging. Never in my life have I been so depressed that I stopped reading, but that is where I have been the past couple of weeks. I haven't even rescheduled an appointment with my therapist - although I will. I am now starting to reach the end of this grieving period (I hope...oops that's what got me here to begin with) and believe that some healing will begin or there is at least a slight glimmer that something positive will become of this experience. The hard part is my normal coping mechanism of food no longer does the trick (damn therapy) but I have yet to replace that with something else - which has left me feeling very vulnerable. I am very glad that it is almost the end of the school year. The end of our normally chaotic schedule is on the horizon and that is a relief!

Working out has been inconsistent the past little while - but I am back at it. I need to keep that a priority. Jill asked what I have been doing - I have been alternating walking (at a fast clip) on the treadmill with either The Firm DVDs or a cardio weight combo that Denise Druce gave me. With the one Denise provided me you alternate 3 minutes of cardio with 3 minutes of weights. If you want it I will email it to you - just give me your email. The most effective thing, surprisingly, has been writing down what I eat. If weight loss is a goal of yours than this is a hugely helpful - and eye opening experience. I write it all down...even those little nibbles here and there. I do have one pic that cracked me up - thanks Cathy!
The correct way to weigh yourself...I can't believe I have been doing it wrong all these years!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

20 questions...okay, just 13

1. How can you understand something logically, but not emotionally?
2. At what point in life does 4:00pm seem like a good time for dinner? Do you wake up one day and your entire schedule has changed?
3. When a child is putting on their shoes, why are the odds 99 to 1 that they will put them on the incorrect feet?
4. Why is it so much harder for people to put a dish in the dishwasher versus the sink when they are only inches apart?
5. How can a drink be dry?
6. When changing into a gown at the doctors office, why do we hide our underwear?
7. How can my husband with the MBA still not understand how to run the dishwasher?
8. Why do I think I have lost things that I am holding in my hand?
9. Since I have a degree in english, why have I lost the ability to use correct grammar?
10. Why - with such extensive grocery lists - do I always forget to buy something?
11. Why is it so hard to do what is good for ourselves?
12. Why have I started to talk to myself when working on the computer?
13. Why am I having a hard time posting on my blog?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Plan update!

It is amazing how writing everything down and the calories is working for me! Calorieking.com has had any info that I can't get on my own. I have to also say that getting up earlier hasn't been so bad. I love realizing part way through the day that I have already worked out!!! One thing checked off the list! Today, however, when I got up I realized I now have a 9:00am class to teach and didn't have enough time to work out. The morning just wasn't as good without that boost. (I read this back and it doesn't even sound like me!!)

“Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision, and gives us the "right stuff" to turn our dreams into reality.” James Womack

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Dance your heart out!

On Saturday Nicole was part of a dance competition at Lagoon. It was a rather long and soggy day - but after a rough Friday - a surprisingly nice way to be unavailable. Nicole was rather fabulous, if I do say so myself, and I enjoyed spending the day with my good friend (and mother to Sadie, another dancer) Cathy. Unfortunately, part way through the day my camera batteries died and I was unable to take too many pictures.

One of my favorite things was watching the little 3 year old girls perform. On one of the dances there was only 3 girls - one was bawling hysterically, one looked like she was going to faint at any moment and the other was basking in the opportunity to dance around while everyone cheered her on. It was so cute!! It reminded me of taking ballet when I was little. My mom, or maybe one of her friends, had given me a very bright red and white polka-dotted leotard with tutu attached. I felt fabulous in it. So you can imagine my dismay when my ballet teacher explained that I could only wear black leotard and would not be allowed to wear that leotard to class again. Not only did I refuse to dance that day - I also refused to return. Fashion statements at the age of 4 and 5 are crucial.

Highlight of today - getting spontaneous hugs from someone else's 4 year old class -

Sad moment of the day - seeing Danny try to sing a rock song on American Idol...

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Finally...A plan

So here we are at May and I have had very spotty progressive towards my health goals. More of a 2 steps forward, 10 steps back sort of thing. My mental health goals are progressing nicely - which has led me to being ready to work on my physical health. Recently I read this poem:

by Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

I realized that I have been stuck in Chapter 3 & sometimes even chapter 2 - but now I feel ready to move on to Chapters 4 & 5 - and I know what my deep holes are.

Deep Hole #1 - Choosing unrealistic goals. I come up with workout plans that are too ambitious too quickly - and therefore I don't stick with it. For instance - why do I have to immediately be running the 5Ks? Why not just walk them a little faster each time - and eventually be running.

Deep Hole #2 - Trying to cut too much out of my diet all at once. I have done low-carb, no sugar, no fat, etc. None of which is realistic.

Deep Hole #3 - Self sabotage and looking for excuses. "I would have exercised...but I was up really late. I'll exercise later. I have too far to go....I will never be able to do this...etc."

Deep Hole (crater, really) #4 - Choosing food as a way to comfort myself when I am sad, had a hard day, when I am alone....I could make this list really long.

So, I think I have finally come up with a plan. One that will work for me, one that will be long lasting, one I can do without spending a lot of money, and one that will help me feel healthier and in control.

Part 1

Put in enough of the good stuff, that there won't be room for the bad stuff. So 5 - 7 servings of fruits and vegetables. I also learned from Denise Druce that you need 10 calories for every pound you want to weigh. (sometimes more if you are exercising a lot.) Now that doesn't mean that I will plummet down to 1250 calories, but rather incrementally move down (same way Weight Watchers does with points) as I reach each weight loss goal. I realize I will be having to track calories and therefore portions - but there are all kinds of freebie sites to help me with this, as well as a 79 cent notepad for my purse.
Part 2

Exercise 5 -6 days a week. No nonsense. No excuses. Just do something almost every day- but not so much that I am incapable of movement the next day. (I tend to push myself so hard that I end up putting off other workouts because I am so incredibly sore.) Push myself enough to get good and sweaty, but still have the energy to keep going the rest of the day.

Part 3

Weigh myself every day. Ignorance in this category is not bliss. Members of the National Weight Loss Registry are most successful when they weigh themselves every day.

Part 4

Take time to engage in positive me time. Not as much TV watching, but rather doing things that make me feel good - not just like a blob. Creating, organizing, writing, being with friends - all things that will remove me from that crater of self-sabotage.

This seems doable and realistic. My results will be slower in coming - but who cares if they can last for life!

If you are interested, there is a really great article at http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/06/29/in.your.head/index.html that was helpful in some of my new thinking.